Our Communication skills.....

I was just speaking with a parent concerning how she communicates to the public school system educators about her son's IEP issues.. She told me that she didn't really communicate with them at all.. She feels as though they never listen to her or her concerns.

So, I thought this would be a great topic for one of our blogs on our website. This information was actually in one of my PROParents binders that I obtained from one of their wonderful workshops that I attended months ago. I hope this information will help you & your family become a better communicator on behalf of your child.

What is Communication??

Communication is a relationship between two or more parties, which is 55% speaking and writing and 45% body language, gestures, etc.. A good communication relationship can lead to the sharing of attitudes, concerns, ideas, & opinions.

Communication between parents & others exists on several basics:
* There will always be differences of opinion about children
* All conflicts will eventually be resolved
* People are OK, but their behavior may not be
* To win does not always mean to take ALL
* It helps to think positively

Ways To See Authority:
The Webster’s dictionary defines authority as, “ power to influence thought, opinion or behavior… persons in command… a convincing force.”

When dealing with the special needs of your child, this authority can seem to be a stumbling block or obstacle. No ONE individual has full authority over the needs of YOUR child. It is a team effort. Teams members come from varying backgrounds and areas of expertise; each very important, but only a part of the WHOLE picture. YOU, as a parent, are an IMPORTANT member of the team; YOU ARE THE EXPERT ON YOUR OWN CHILD.

Communicating at an IEP Meeting;
As parents of a child with disabilities it is very necessary for you to KNOW the educational laws and to be able to communicate effectively with educators to obtain an appropriate educational program.

At an IEP meeting effective communication involves:
* Expressing facts about your child’s educational & social needs
* Expressing feelings and opinions about your concerns
* Maintaining your personal and legal rights

Using communication and listening skills allows you to gain more information about:
* Educational options and the actions and feelings of other members of the IEP team. Such information can help you assist in problem solving
* Be a part of a decision making team

Some suggestions for communication techniques:
* BE DIRECT- direct your comments to the person for whom the message is intended; do not communicate through a third person
* BE CONSISTENT- what you feel and say should match your non-verbal behavior
* BE ACCEPTING- accept and admit your own feelings and do not try to push them on someone else
* BE CONFIDENT- make request without feeling guilty or intimidated
* BE INVOLVED- ask questions about testing, terminology, programs, participate in discussions about your child’s needs

Non-assertive and aggressive responses do not foster a positive working team approach or focus on the individual needs of your child.

AVOID NON-ASSERTIVE RESPONSES-
* Avoid agreeing with everything said
* Avoid feeling afraid to make demands

AVOID AGGRESSIVE RESPONSES-
* Avoid belittling others
* Avoid being defensive
* Avoid dominating the case conference
* Avoid being manipulative

Tips on being Assertive:
* Say what you really want to say
* Be specific and to the point
* Be firm, be persistent
* Use “I” statements
* Describe your feelings
* Be aware of your voice- volume & tone
* Maintain good eye contact
* Relax
* Avoid nervous laughter, jokes, and gestures
* Avoid whining, pleading, screaming, and sarcasm

Don’t Forget To Listen:
Communication has two sides- You also have to be willing to listen. Listening is a skill and has to be learned. Listening is giving your attention to another person so you can take in what is being said. Communicating assertive and really listening can make it possible for a real partnership to develop!!

Listening tips:
* Stop talking
* Wait to hear what is being said
* Turn off your “negative feelings” about the person
* Don’t jump to conclusions
* Ask questions

You must learn to negotiate effectively:
Negotiation: Is a give & take; it is not a debate.
Negotiation should improve the relationship between both parties.
Negotiation is back & forth communication designed to reach agreement when two or more parties have some interests in common and some that are opposed.
In every negotiation, three crucial perceptions are generally present: Information, Time, & Power.

All power is based on perception. If you think you have it, then you have it. If you think you do not have it, even if you have it, then you do not have it. In short, you have more power if you BELIEVE you have power and view your life’s encounters as negotiations.

If you would like to have more information on Communication, Please contact PRO-Parents at (803) 772-5688 or 1-800-759-4776 or email at PROparents@aol.com